I moved to a new state to reunite for the umpteenth time with my now ex-husband, and within six weeks the relationship was over. Actually, the relationship really had ended before I set foot in the new state. Of course, no one wants to admit that “dream love” has ended; I certainly wasn’t any exception.
My new co-workers hadn’t met the man I’d moved to the state for, and a company party was coming up. Trying to put salve on that still-broken heart, I had immediately started dating again; definitely not a piece of divorce advice that I advocate!
So, I was bringing the new guy to this party and neither he nor I wanted him to be called by my ex’s name. I also didn’t want to deal with the drama of potential questions, so I decided to first cut any busybodies off at the knees. I ran around to my co-workers and told them the man I was bringing to the party was NOT my husband, the man I had moved 2,000 miles for. It was “the new guy.” Essentially, I had lied.
I was lucky enough to have formed close relationships with my bosses and most of my co-workers, so my bold behavior wasn’t necessarily inappropriate. But you may want to keep news of your divorce more quiet, especially in the workplace.
Eventually, you’ve got to start getting out there in the party world again. Whether you’re 28 or 58, you likely attend some kind of party at least once a year. It could be a Super Bowl gathering, a family holiday party, an office party, or a friend’s birthday party. When that first party comes around, here is my ultimate piece of post divorce advice:
Take a deep breath and try out the following steps-
Identify your fears. Are you afraid of possibly running into him or her? Are you concerned about what mutual friends might have heard, or what they might say to you? Are you afraid to go out alone?
If you really don’t want to go, know that it’s okay to say no. You might not be ready, especially if the circumstances of your divorce involve dramatic custody battles.
If you think you might have fun but are afraid of the unknown, rewrite that story where you would be sitting at home alone eating potato chips instead of being out in the world.
Every day we live offers a unique set of chances and yes, challenges. The key to getting past a divorce or any other traumatic event is to eventually work past fear, which some call False Evidence Appearing Real.
Don’t give into false evidence that you have done something “bad.” Even if you weren’t a model husband or wife, most people are too busy with their own lives to obsess about yours. Going to the party with this in mind may alleviate a lot of your anxiety. Remember, you can leave at anytime if you’re just not comfortable being there. As a now-single person, you have an awesome opportunity to make a lot of independent choices. You don’t have to be subject to your former partner’s schedule anymore when it comes to a party; you are now your own social captain.
If you’re stomach is still feeling like it has a rock-solid mass of fear that just won’t go away, then once again take a deep breath. Keep telling yourself “I am innocent” until you believe that!
That first party after a divorce might be scary, but it also might be the ticket you need to for full admission into a drama-free life.
Remember, at understanding divorce we not only offer the essential tips to find the perfect divorce lawyer we provide genuine divorce support and practical divorce advice because we have been there and understand divorce.
