One of the most unsettling aspects of divorce is that you may come out on the other end of the divorce without your normal and healthy support network. At a time when you need that kind of team to rely upon most, you may find yourself alone with nobody to turn to in your time of need.
Create Your Divorce Support Network
You may have lost the help and support of a spouse who was important to you despite the differences that led to divorce. In the case of a divorce that includes loss of custody of children you may lose not just your spouse but your entire immediate family.
Maybe you don’t really miss your spouse’s help – because the reason some marriages end is, after all, because one spouse does not contribute enough support. Perhaps you aren’t separated from your kids because either you don’t have any or they stayed with you after the split. But even in those kinds of situations you still may suffer the loss of those people who used to be mutual friends with you and your ex – important members of your social support network. Often times when a couple splits up their friends are left in an awkward position, and they wind up having to basically choose sides and stick with one person while letting their allegiance and friendship with the other go by the wayside.
Begin Building Up Your Support
So it is not at all uncommon or unusual to go through a difficult divorce and then end up isolated – with no reliable support team.
But if you anticipate this kind of outcome and start planning ahead, it is possible to emerge from divorce with as strong a network of friends, fans, and supporters than you have ever had.
Start by making a list of the kinds of people you want to surround yourself with, because having a clear goal and concrete vision is always grounding and more efficient. Knowing where you are going before you start the journey, in other words, helps to ensure that you get to your destination. Maybe you feel the need for a purely social network including people with whom you can just relax and fun. That might require checking out some local groups and organizations. There are singles groups, charities, worship congregations, athletic clubs, business networks, and a whole host of other resources available to those who want to mix and mingle.
Or you may realize that you need some professional support to see you through the rough patch. You might not know a good plumber or mechanic because your ex husband used to manage that stuff – or maybe you need to locate a good bookkeeper or insurance agent because your ex wife handled the family finances and insurance policies when you were married. Professional support could mean any number of things – from a housekeeper or interior decorator to a psychological therapist, personal trainer, or high school kid to cut the grass and clean the gutters on the roof of your house.
Once you identify the help you need, go get it. Coming through a divorce is a big deal, and you deserve to give yourself some extra attention to make sure your needs are met.
