The fact alone that your marriage is over is mouthful to swallow, but you also have to communicate with your ex during the divorce. Too much is expected from you it seems. But the fact is, communicating with your ex during divorce is essential. The best you could do is to accept this challenge gracefully. Be the better man and put your best foot forward for the benefit of the greater good. You aim for an open and civil communication where both of you get the message across.
Before you become this better person, you also have to acknowledge the negative feelings that will inevitably come across. Here are some divorce support tips to help you through:
One, you will be angry.
That first meeting with your ex, you will undoubtedly feel that hairs on your neck rise. Your blood pressure will be shooting up and your thoughts will be consumed by the need to do something physical to your ex. But not the physical acrobatics you used to do. This time it will be the physical that will do damage. Even the voice alone of your ex or the smell of his perfume (come to think of it smells like rotten apple) will drive you to the roof. It is healthy to anticipate and acknowledge this anger. But of course, you can’t very well show this anger or act upon this anger – this will not bode well in your communication.
Two, you will feel the itch to resort to juvenile acts.
Talking with your ex can bring back a lot of memories. His penchant to turn the table against you, his inability to listen, his irritating habit of drumming his fingers on the table, his gall to bring his girlfriend to this momentous, albeit, stressful occasion. You may want to get back by paying someone to slash his tires. You may subscribe to porn sites and performance enhancement pills to his address. There are a lot of juvenile acts you may want to indulge to. But to be the better being, you have to control yourself.
Three, you will feel the urge to take more than half of the combined assets.
Not because you feel you deserve it, but because you want to see his hackles up. You want to see him squirm, you want to see him suffer, and you want to see him grovel.
But alas, these three are not to be. If you want to have a peaceful divorce, then it will do well to curb these basic instincts. Your communication with your ex during divorce can often be handled by your lawyers. However, there will of course be few meetings where you have to face your ex. Also, with the existence of children, an amicable and peaceful divorce will benefit everyone.
But how do you go about talking to your ex without a contact of your knee and his groin?
One, remember your goal.
Your goal is to resolve your issue at hand – which is the settlement of your divorce. Especially if you have children involved, remember you want to an amicable settlement of the divorce because of them. Their future is at stake. Don’t let go of that goal. Never forget that even for a minute. When you remember your goal and your children, you will walk away with head held high. You will walk away with more on your soul and personality, not with less.
Second, he is not your partner anymore.
At most, he is the father of your children. Thus, you don’t have to fall back on your previous behavior with him. You don’t have to fall back on your habit allowing him to talk you out of things. He does not have that power over you anymore.
Third, be objective.
This is a form of therapeutic communication. You forgo the emotionally charged phrases like, “You hurt me. You are a cheating bastard”. That will not do anything to your goal of communicating with your ex amicably. You will do well with objective words. If you cannot hold on to your temper, suggest that you meet another time. That will give you more time to reflect and center yourself.
If you are able to communicate with your ex during divorce effectively, then you will do well on coping with the divorce afterward. A divorce advice or two will be needed along the way. This divorce advice and your supportive family members will help you go through the divorce process effectively.
