Many of us wonder what people mean when they talk about a “no fault” divorce, because conventional wisdom teaches most of us that when there is a divorce there are usually two sides to the story.
Yes, it’s true, whenever a good thing goes bad and former lovers or spouses have a falling-out and end the relationship, they each tend to lay some blame at each other’s feet, do a little finger pointing, and try to find fault with the other person. At least that happens for a while – sometimes only for as long as it takes to have an argument and vent, and other times it goes on for years and years without end.
Of course if they want to get any kind of good closure or healing after the divorce both partners typically need to accept some responsibility of their own – unless they are in total denial or the break was precipitated by a completed lopsided or one-sided miscreant behavior like an affair or other severe breach of trust. Without sharing the blame as well as some of the credit – when both contributed to both the good and the bad in the relationship – a person usually winds up with an unrealistically narrow or self-focused perspective that can make it harder for them to see the truth of the situation and move on to a healthier new relationship.
That brings us back around to the concept of the no-fault divorce. This is a legal term, not a romantic or emotional one. So it does not exactly mean that nobody screwed up or made a mistake in the relationship. People may still be at fault – they usually are if a marriage is coming apart at the seams – but when lawyers or legislators talk about “no fault” they mean that the divorce is based on the idea that there are some differences between the two people who are splitting up and those differences are compelling enough that they want to end the marriage.
Let’s say, for example, that Mr. and Ms. Jones decide to get divorced because they just cannot seem to get along any more. Most states allow a no fault divorce, which means they can split up and go their separate ways without having to prove or verify that one person in the marriage was at fault. In other words a no fault divorce means there does not have to be special grounds or reasons for the divorce beyond the simple fact that one of the partners in the marriage feels that it is not working for them.
This usually comes down to one person telling the divorce court judge that they have irreconcilable differences with their partner. Nobody is to blame, nobody has to accept blame or be deemed at fault. The two married people do not even have to both agree to the divorce. Just the notion that at least one of the people in the marriage is unhappy and wants out is usually all it takes if they are willing to file for divorce and testify to the judge that they believe there is no way for them to reconcile or fix the differences or incompatibility that causes them to desire a divorce.
That is basically what no fault divorce is all about. You don’t have to claim that your partner cheated on you or that there was any misconduct. Even if they did cheat on you that does not have to be the basis for the divorce. If there are differences or if there is incompatibility that’s all the court needs to know to give you permission to go through with a legal divorce. We have not always had no fault divorce in the USA, but since it was introduced in the 1970s lots of people have used this rule to keep it simple yet have the legal power to exit an unsatisfying marriage.
