Through this post divoce support process, sometimes that darn green-eyed monster shows up when least expected, especially when your divorce is still a fairly fresh lifestyle.
You could be walking down the street with a bagel, trying to have a nice day despite the fact that your “other half” is now gone and you just don’t know if you’re really whole without your former spouse. Suddenly, a young couple passes. They’re happy and in love just like you and your ex-partner once were.
Your moment of attempted serenity is now gone, thanks to a couple of strangers minding their own business. You want to throw your bagel at them, maybe even quote some divorce statistics.
Instead, you try to stuff down your feelings with denial or maybe a little more food than you really needed. But you’re here now, which is the first step toward kicking that uninvited green-eyed monster to the curb. Whether your aim is to overcome jealousy targeted to every couple in love or stop thinking about your ex’s new girlfriend, you can survive.
Worse things have happened than divorce. Even though it doesn’t feel like it at the time, here is one piece of divorce advice that I promise you can achieve: you can move beyond jealousy.
Sometimes as divorced people, we also suffer from debilitating jealousy targeted toward our ex and any of her new companions. I’ve admittedly logged too much time looking up my ex and his (many) girlfriends on Facebook.
Are you torturing yourself by checking up on your ex, either online or through mutual friends? That’s a guaranteed recipe for jealousy.
I took a drastic step to alleviate my suffering. I was consumed by thoughts of my ex, even addicted to them. I was emotionally broken and also furious; I didn’t see the end coming until “she” was right there in my face.
I deleted my MySpace and Facebook accounts and didn’t use either site for six months.
Now, you may not be into online social networking. But are you asking your friends, co-workers, kids, and other family members seemingly innocent questions like, “So, how is (ex) doing?”
If you are looking to follow positive divorce support tips then remember this – checking up on your ex is setting yourself up for even more unnecessary pain. Try to stop asking such questions. Do you really want to know the answers? Especially from your kids or other kids in the family, who sometimes are a little too honest for someone with a broken heart?
If your jealousy rises unprovoked, such as with the situation with happy couples walking down the street then you may not have fully admitted your feelings of grief. For some people, divorce can being even more traumatic than a loved one’s death. Finding closure when the other person is alive but gone can be difficult.
Next time you feel jealous, I want you to try this exercise:
1. Sit in a place that is peaceful.
2. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
3. Let your jealous thoughts come into awareness – what are you thinking right now. I feel _____ Fill in the blanks without censoring yourself.
4. If you know your jealous thoughts to be true, bring your attention to your core (near your gut) and feel the sensation in your stomach.
5. No take a deep breath in, accepting how you feel, tell yourself it’s ok.
6. Take a deep breath out, releasing the jealousy.
7. Continue to breathe in and out and until you have released the tension.
8. Replace the jealous thought in your mind with a visual representation of how you feel when you are at peace. Do this for at least two minutes. Think of a time in the past when you were happy and create this imagery in your mind. Watch yourself at home enjoying cooking, at work busy in a task, or out with friends.
No matter what spawns that green-eyed monster, feeling those feelings may cause jealousy to all but go away. Use this exercise each time the feelings arise and I promise, the green-eyed monster will be gone very soon and for good.
