When you have children and have undergone a divorce, there is a tremendous amount  of conscious management required by both parents to ensure the kids are able to process and deal with their new situation.

Children of Divorce…

Parenting in the wake of a divorce is a kind of parenting partnership, and although the parents may have irreconcilable differences those who want to stay active in parenting their children need to figure out a way to make the shared parenting process work for everyone’s benefit. A structured, agreeable, well designed co-parenting arrangement is good for all involved and is especially necessary for the sake of healthy and happy children.

Essential Divorce Advice

Kids – just like divorced parents – typically feel insecure and lonely in the wake of a divorce, and they may have an extra need to be reassured and feel safe and protected. The idea of good co-parenting is to provide the emotional care that children need, as well as the personal attention, so that after divorce they can continue to feel loved, wanted, valued, listened to, and appreciated.

When the parents work together through a mutual partnership, this also ensures that children see a united front. They don’t get two sets of rules or standards to live by and obey, for example, and when they have a question or a problem they don’t feel like parents are passing them back and forth or disagreeing about the answer or solution. They find consistency and harmony, in other words, and that gives them a strong and reliable structure to lean on in terms of their familial identification and role as a child.

In fact, co-parenting is so essential for kids that some state court systems have made it an absolutely mandatory part of the divorce process. In those states the divorcees are required to file a written co-parenting or shared parenting plan that will then be reviewed by the judge before a divorce is finalized.

These kinds of parenting agreement will address a variety of issues such as the custody and visitation schedule, the sharing of responsibility for the child’s health care, education, and financial support, and such things as discipline and daily rules to live by. That way the child is well taken care of and attended to and the needs of the parents are also met in terms of having a documented plan and a clear delineation of their roles and responsibilities. In cases where the parents are not getting along very well and don’t like to have to deal with each other this can also help, because instead of negotiating or arguing over such issues they can simply refer to the court-approved co-parenting agreement and let it make all the decisions for them.

Of course it always works best when the parents – regardless of their differences or disagreement – can work together in a partnership that demonstrates respect and consideration for one another. They should recognize the need to be somewhat flexible and adaptable, for example, regarding visitation on holidays or scheduling shared time with their kids to coincide with other demands like work or inflexible vacation time.

Even if a spouse is late with a child support payment, the other parent may have to consider whether it is still better for the child to let them have their parent visitation. If there is a conflict between the parents about anything – especially about the co-parenting agreement – then this should be worked out but not played out in front of the children. Keep that business private and deal with it behind closed doors so that children are not further harmed by watching their parents fight – especially when kids are inclined to see those arguments as their own fault.

The co-parenting experience can be a great opportunity to improve the lives of your children and show them the value of healthy and cooperative relationships.

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